


Terror Before the Storm

by elfofthedarkside



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Mentions of Death, POV First Person, Post-Thor: Ragnarok (2017), Slightly - Freeform, Thor: Ragnarok (2017) Spoilers, and now it's canon?, apparently?, author is making up the rules of magic in an established universe, because we're kinda off the grid of established magic rules, loki was clearly tortured pre avengers assemble, mentions of torture, playing the pronoun game for dramatic effect, though it's not graphic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-18
Updated: 2019-02-18
Packaged: 2019-10-30 20:23:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17835557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elfofthedarkside/pseuds/elfofthedarkside
Summary: The soul and the subconscious are indisputably tied. Some pain so terrible can cut to one’s very soul, thus the dreams, or rather, nightmares, linked to this pain can be so frightening that sometimes there is only one solution to alleviate the nightmares.





	Terror Before the Storm

**Author's Note:**

> Hey look at that I wrote something! And it's angsty! About... Loki... Hm. Ok so this was not even nearly out of my comfort zone, but sometimes ya just gotta put some shit down on paper to remind yourself that you /can/ actually write some good shit.
> 
> Anyway. Enjoy.

The soul and the subconscious are indisputably tied. Some pain so terrible can cut to one’s very soul, thus the dreams, or rather, nightmares, linked to this pain can be so frightening that sometimes there is only one solution to alleviate the nightmares.

Separating the soul.

For most, this would mean death. In any case, the toll is catastrophic on the mind. If one does manage to sever the link between soul and mind without killing themselves, their lives would be forever changed. However, no one in recorded history has managed it--without going mad and being driven to death anyways, that is.

But there has to be some way.

These nightmares are getting worse. Every day he grows closer. Every day I wake soaked to the bone in cold sweat. I can’t forget the threat, the promise of being made to regret birth itself.

I have pored over every single book, common and forbidden alike, studying the soul and the effect of different experiments on it. Now, with even the meager protection of Asgard’s borders destroyed, the libraries I scoured for years, turned to ash and rubble now sinking into the vastness of nothing, the visions grow worse. My head aches with the memory of unfamiliar magic forcing its way through my mind, scars I’ve spent years hiding and attempting to heal with my own sorcery ripping open at the very thought of what I went through happening a second time. Even the word,  _ torture _ , doesn’t seem strong enough to describe my nightmares.

I feel him getting closer. Near enough to even board our ship in an hour’s time. I can’t. Not again.

I’ve placed a spell on the ship. We are in our own pocket of time, “reality” moving much slower around us. Thank the Nords I spent so much time studying the Bifrost and how it worked. It’s temporary, and taxing on my powers, but perhaps it shall give me enough time to solve my problem.

The main issue is fear. That’s what everything can be traced back to. Fear of pain. Fear of not being able to control myself. It has gotten so bad I can’t allow anyone near me. Even an encouraging touch on my shoulder is enough to send me spiraling. And I can’t let Thor see that. Not after all that has happened.

The borders on Sakaar were stronger at blocking the memories. On purpose, I assume, for the enhancement of pleasure and whatever else the Grandmaster was up to. Only my dreams, only a few nights a week. But now. Now it is so much worse.

Eradicating my soul would be infinitely simpler than separating it, even though my plans up to this point involved having sort of switch. Most magic, especially inborn magic, is linked directly to the soul. If I could choose when and where to connect to it, tapping into it for magic and then breaking the link when I felt the fear coming back… I refused to even imagine a scenario where I would have to exist without magic until now. But perhaps that would be a better fate than this.

The time spell on the ship is giving me-- _ us _ \--minutes that are ultimately useless. No matter how far we travel in our “accelerated time”, he will still find us. Find me. He promised.

All the best sorcerers were killed in the battle against Hela. I am the only one left, and I don’t entirely place my trust in my skills to do this delicate, not to mention  _ theoretical _ , process on myself. But what other choice do I have?

Perhaps it doesn’t matter. But I suppose I would rather die facing the enemy calmly than die shaking uncontrollably in a corner, hiding behind the women and children who deserve to live far more than I do.

Perhaps if he realizes I am not afraid, he will grant me a quick death. Where is the fun in torturing someone who doesn’t care?

And perhaps if I am not afraid, I could spend these last few minutes before he arrives planning some way to survive. Better than drawing out the anticipation.

And if there is no way out…

I suppose I would enjoy laughing with my brother one last time.

**Author's Note:**

> Was this good? ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> It takes place literally like ten minutes before the beginning of Infinity War. "But Jack," I hear you say, "Isn't that where Ragnarok ends anyway?" To that I say, shhhhhhhhhhhhhh. My story, my rules of how times passes. In this case, my rules include freezing everything so I have more time for Loki to wax poetic about the shit he's been through. Kinda like a flashback/"previously on" thing.
> 
> Kudos fill my heart, but comments power my soul. Get it? Cause I said "soul" like 25 times. I am very tired, it's 1am. Good night, or good morning, or good afternoon, to anyone still here. Thank you for sticking around :)


End file.
